


Caged

by HEA_andallthelike



Series: To be Tortured. To Heal. To be Free [1]
Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: Alternate ending Catching Fire, Character Death, Dark, F/M, Happiness will come, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Plot Twists, Sad, So much darker than I planned, Torture, Twisted, another level, bad language, forgive me for the sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-27
Updated: 2016-01-27
Packaged: 2018-05-11 06:43:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5617276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HEA_andallthelike/pseuds/HEA_andallthelike
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Katniss and Peeta refused to be separated in the Quarter Quell. They are both taken to the Capitol. Throw the "Mockingjay" book out the window folks, this is an entirely new take on the rebellion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"No, I have to go with her" 

Katniss nodded in absolute agreement. Her pulse quickened and her breathing became uneven at just the thought of separating now, not knowing how this electric shock was going to go down. 

"Not that I don't fully believe in your ability with a bow, or johannas with an axe, but I know these careers. I need brute strength in my guards" states Beetee. 

"There isn't another option, we both stay or we both go". Peeta doesn't even blink; his voice stronger than I've ever heard it, despite the hellacious predicament we find ourselves in. 

I watch as Beetee and finnick exchange the briefest of looks. Strange, I think to myself. There was something in that look, something was communicated between them that immediately rubs me the wrong way. No, I think, this plan is at its end.

Lucky for us, Peeta and I can communicate between short glances as well. We lock eyes for a moment, and I have full trust that he understands the move I'm about to make. 

Before I can make it however, the sound of a knife slicing through the air has me on my back in what seems like a nanosecond. Finnick screams for everyone to get down, which thankfully for me is no problem as I reach to my bloodied shoulder. There is no knife lodged there and I take a moment to count my lucky stars that it appears to have just grazed me. 

I take too long in my thanks because before I can put two and two together, Brutus is right on top of me. I brace myself for the impact of his body crashing into mine. I know Peeta has my back, and I think we may have a chance to double team him and take him out. I'm not sure why, but for the second time in two days, a shadowed figure emerges from the brush, and launches himself on my attacker. Peeta takes the moment to grab me by the waist and throw me behind him. 

It's then I notice the figure is Chaff- the district 11 victor. As I look on scanning my surroundings and looking for an escape route, I hear Finnick shout to Chaff to throw him something. Before I can decipher what was said, Chaff slides to his right and grabs a bow and sheath of arrows to throw to Finnick. My bow. My arrows. I curse out loud as the pain in my shoulder and shock of the attack has led me to forego my senses, and lose my only defense. Another thought briefly enters my mind, as I realize that Finnick doesn't seem nearly as surprised as I do that Chaff has turned up out of no where. Brutus then heaves a knife right into Chaffs throat. Peeta comes unhinged at the sight of Brutus smiling as the district 11 victor falls to the ground. We both remember how loved he was by Haymitch, and loving anything isn't how our drunkard of a mentor typically works. His friend pulls through though, as his final act to protect me succeeded. Peeta takes his sword and slashes Brutus along his torso, nearly cutting him in half. 

All of us though, are momentarily stopped as we look up at the lightning storm building in the sky above us, the thundering of the clouds distracting us from any immediate danger on the ground. We take our chance.

Peeta and I start running. Not towards the beach, but to whatever God forsaken atrocity waits to our right. I glance back and see Beetee on the ground, while Johanna burries her axe in Enobaria's chest. As she starts running towards us, I notice something else. Finnick has begun wrapping the coil around one of my arrows.......

We continue to run, Peeta pleading with me to keep going, and to stop looking back. I hear Johanna yell to us to stop, and I think she must be bat shit insane to think we would comply with that request. I know she has no axe, and I have no arrows, but history has shown to never underestimate Johanna Mason and her brutality.

The thunder gets louder, and streaks of light jet across the sky. 

"Katniss!!!! Don't stop, please god don't stop!!!" Peeta shouts to me. I see him slowing, and I know his prosthetic isn't letting him continue in this fight for his life. But I promised to keep him safe this time. I slow and turn back towards him, Johanna almost upon us.

"Please Peeta stay with me, I need you to stay with me". He looks at me utterly defeated and we both turn to Johanna as we hear her scream something about our arms. Before we can decipher the rest of her message a huge explosion deafens us, as we are thrown into the trees behind us, and everything goes dark.....


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive any and all mistakes- I love story telling and many times just go for broke without really editing! Please let me know whatcha think- don't hold back if you hate it, I can take it!!!!!

I'm pulled out of a nightmare by the sound of laughter coming from somewhere not to far away. At least, I think I've awoken. Im immediately unsure as open my eyes, and see nothing that I like. 

It's the light that affects me first. The only light in the room I now inhabit is flickering incessantly, and my already pounding head begins to take another beating. The smell comes next. Mold, maybe? It feels damp. I used to love the smell of dew in the forest as the first signs of spring began to emerge in 12, it signified life and rebirth. This, though, this feels in no way like burgeoning life. A chill runs through me like a knife as I place the only descriptor worthy of this feeling: deathly.

I try to put the pieces together in my mind. I don't trust myself to move. I close my eyes to try and sort out the last things I remember, but I immediately open them jolting to an upright position. "Ugh", I wince as my shoulder sends pain waves radiating throughout my body. Serves me right, I think. Only a complete friggin fool would close her eyes in this environment. 

Peeta. We were running. His leg, what had happened to his leg??!! I try to steady my breathing as I push myself to remember more. Something blew up. Something blew up, and that's it. That's all I remember. Nothing about how I ended up here, and nothing about where Peeta may have ended up himself. 

I stay in the corner of this room for what seems like hours, before my head starts to droop, and my eyes become heavy. I will myself to stay awake- "do not let yourself close your eyes girl", I say to myself. It's useless however, as I start to notice a thin layer of mist suddenly enveloping me. I have no choice in this, I realize. I'm not sure why I'm surprised, when have I ever had choice in anything?

__________________________________________

 

As I awaken again, I know I have been moved. The room has transformed into something even more sinister. The walls are black, the tiled floor freezing beneath my cheek. It's only then I realize I'm wearing what appears to be a jump suit made of paper material. I know when I woke up the first time I was wearing my tattered uniform from the arena. For some reason the thought of being changed while unconscious stirs up all of my anger and confusion, which seems ridiculous since I know I have much more serious things to worry about at the moment. I bite back he cuss words threatening to spring out of my mouth, when I jump up at the sound of metal scraping against metal.

As I look to either side of me, I see black metal sheets rising, exposing what i think are windows beneath. Once the sheets have lifted in their entirety I start to slowly move towards the one on my left. I hesitate, briefly, wondering if it's even worth it to see what's on the other side. I'm not sure when I made the realization, or if there was even a realization to make; but I know that this room was assigned by Snow. As if reading my thoughts, the scent of roses, abnormally strong, begin to waft into my nose. Claustrophobia and panic immediately set in, and I scramble to the window no longer caring what horror may live on the other side. I need to see that there is something, anything , outside of this room.

While looking through the dirty glass l, I see a room identical to my own, and as I look behind me towards the other window, another black hole of a space. "Holy shit!!!" I exclaim as a hand slaps to the window in front of me and I fall back instinctively reaching for a bow that is not there...

__________________________________________

 

Johanna looks at me like a feral child. Both anger and fear radiating through her eyes that can't stop darting around my room before landing back on my face. 

"Johanna..." I start, but she stops me by putting her fingers to her lips and shushing me, and I'm surprised to be able to hear her through the glass until I notice a small hole at the bottom of the window. She backs up from the window, never taking her eyes away from mine, and she sinks down to the floor as her back smacks against the opposin wall. Suddenly, I remember the second window. As I run to the other side of the room, my body strongly protests, and I realize the full extent of the injuries the arena has left me with. I ignore them- I have to see what is on the other side of that window.

I scan the room and there he is. His blond hair matted against his head, and I can see blood dried on his face. A horrible thought enters my mind, and I gasp searching for the rise of his chest that will tell me that my boy with the bread is still with me. I start to panic as I can't make out whether he is breathing or not, but I let out a deep guttural sob as I see his foot twitch, and I know that he isn't lost, not yet.

My cry causes him to stir even more, and when I see his eyes flicker I can't stop myself.

"Peeta!!!!!" I scream out. My voice sounding more desperate than I had ever heard it. "Please, please Peeta, open your eyes. Peeta!!!"

My last call of his name comes out shrill, mad even, but I need him to get up. He lifts his head but immediately freezes when he sees his surroundings. I slap my hand against the glass, willing him to keep moving. His eyes jolt back to mine and he starts to crawl over to the wall. He tries to stand, when we both notice that his prosthetic is gone. He has a few missteps, but quickly gets over to where I'm standing on the other side of our divide. His hand comes up and presses against the glass where mine is. His head rests down and I lower mine to meet his, and I can't help but let the tears that spring to my eyes fall down my cheeks. He is here. He is alive. 

Now how do I keep him that way....


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coin is pissed. Plutarch is scrambling. Haymitch is numb. They have no star crossed lovers, but even worse, they have no Mockingjay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next two chapters will be from alternate perspectives and will be a bit shorter. I really hope you all like this!!!

FINNICKS POV

The room is silent. Except for my ragged breathing, there isn't a single sound. Four broken ribs makes breathing impossible. Every shallow breath I try to take is more painful then the last. They took away my morphling drip so I could be lucid enough for this meeting, but if no one starts talking I'm heading straight back to my room. My room in the hospital, here in District 13. 

"You assured me that your plan to get the targets out would work. However, it seems that not only did we not get them out, but we let the Capitol become aware of our existence here in 13." Coin says, icily. "I sincerely hope that you have something positive to tell me, as all I can see is a huge loss."

I try to absorb what she has said. It hits me that Snow, even if he thought some of 13 survived, wouldn't have expected them to have a hovercraft. He now knows that we are a more developed threat than he ever realized. Him acquiring that knowledge might not have been a big deal if we had gotten her out. We didn't, though. We have no Mockingjay. 

"Your double agent of a game maker didn't do his job dearie." Haymitch growls. "His damn job was to manipulate the games in our favor, but somehow let those careers attack our group at the worst possible time!" 

He is on his feet, screaming now. His face is an unnatural shade of red, and the veins in his neck are so pronounced that I stand, scared of what his anger may lead him to do. Plutarch though, stays in his seat. His eyes calmly stay focused on those of President Alma Coin. The older, often inebriated, victor doesn't rattle the game maker in any way. It hits me then, how much these two people should hate each other. Each on opposite sides of the arena. One perpetrating atrocities towards children, the other desperately trying to fend them off to survive. Yet here they are, sitting side by side, fighting for the same purpose. 

"Madam President, I agree with most of your feelings at this moment," Plutarch starts. "Our main objective in this mission failed, but there is a great deal of positive here that we are all choosing not to notice." He finishes. Haymitch throws himself back into his chair, pinching the bridge of his nose and chuckling in disbelief. Even I look at him like he must be dillusional. Coin, however, remains unchanged, and waits for him to continue.

"The entire country saw Finnick blow up the arena. The entire country knows that rebellions are taking place. There are the beginnings of a fire here, Madam President, we need to fan the flames. We don't have our Mockingjay yet, it's true, but Finnick, Finnick is someone who can help us unite the districts until we get her back."

My eyes go wide at this, too many implications for me to wrap my head around. They think Katniss is still alive? They're going to get her back? They want me to be a propaganda tool in this war that no one really knows is going on yet? I narrow my eyes towards Plutarch. I've been in the hospital for a week, and he never once came by to talk to me about any of this. My life has never been my own. Especially in the last 10 years, but I suppose I naively imagined I'd get a small amount of control back here in 13. After all, they're rebelling against the Capitol and all it stands for, right? I don't have a moment to disclose my anger towards him, because Coin has spoken up.

"Finnick was the capitols prostitute. He has been whored out for the past 10 years, and everyone in every district has seen that! What amount of credibility or respect does he hold with the people of Panem?! Why would anyone listen to him?"

My breathing hitches and my blood runs ice cold. I can feel my body twitch with the rage that builds up in me from her words. How. Dare. She. This bitch has no idea what I've done, what I've been forced to do, for the last 10 years. I want to lash out at her; scream that while she has been sitting in peace here in 13, the rest of us have been fighting the fires of hell. I take a deep breath and when I speak my voice sounds wholly assured in my words.

"Did you not think I would stack the deck in my favor these past ten years? That I wouldn't find some leverage against the sick bastards I was sold to since I was 14 years old?" Coin looks at me and I can detect the surprise in her eyes. I continue, "I know things no one knows. No one. Things about every beurocrat, every celebrity, and even our most precious president Snow." I'm seething now, "You. Know. Nothing."

I avert my eyes from Coin and I see a small smile form on Haymitch's lips. We both know. There is no "winning" the games. Between the two of us we have over 30 years of survival strategies we needed to develop to stay alive as victors. There's a reason Snow sent his victors back to the arena. 

"Alright then," Coin begins, " Plutarch and Mr. O'dair, I'll leave you to decide which ways we can best utilize the knowledge Finnick has acquired. I will meet with our military leaders and discuss the best way we can extradite Miss Everdeen from the Capitol. We know she is alive. We have access to the same programs used to tag her with her tracker." 

Haymitch takes a deep breath, and I think his eyes are wet with tears.

"What about the boy?" He asks


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What will snow do with them now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original characters POV here- I don't typically like writing from multiple POV's but bare with me because I think this works!!!! Again, I truly hope at least a few people enjoy it!!!
> 
> Also! I have it worked in that the hovercraft that picked up Finnick and Beetee actually came from 13, not the Capitol. Seems like a minor change, but it makes a difference in this story.

POV of Commander Tessa Shade

I sit in his study, waiting for him to arrive. I've known him many years, I've never done anything to displease him, but the way he swings from hot to cold still causes me to never feel comfortable, no matter what my stature. At this time, there is much he could be happy with, ecstatic even; there is also a great deal he can be furious with. The emotion of fury always, ALWAYS, wins out with President Snow. Lucky for me I'm in charge of the prisoners we reclaimed from the arena. The person responsible for somehow letting an unknown hovercraft both enter and exit our airspace undetected hasn't been seen or heard from in days. It doesn't surprise me. Every defense computer system was scrambled the moment the arena blew out, and every protocol in place wasn't followed. That's how much it all caught us off guard. How could we have ever guessed anyone outside of the Capitol would have a hovercraft? It's impossible to even think about it now, and that's after it actually happened!

The door creaks open, and I immediately stand and salute the man who enters.

"Commander Shade," he greets, "I wish I would be meeting you during happier times, but unfortunately Commander Calpresti didn't notice the outside aircraft entering our airspace, which brought us to the position we are in now. So here you are, and I assume you can imagine where Calpresti is."

Yes, fury has absolutely taken a hold of our president. His eyes are narrowed, and I think I can see the hint of a smile on his lips; as if he is daring me cross him and see what he will do. I won't though. I will do my duty to my president and to Panem.

"Yes, Mr. President. I can imagine, and rightfully so." I answer. "I have brought all the information you requested, and have brought you the program to access our video surveillance at any moment you so choose, so that you may feel confident your every order is being carried out efficiently." I hand him a chip that he immediately slides into his monitor, and he opens the program.

The screen shows surveillance of 6 different rooms. 4 are cells, in which 3 prisoners now reside; the other two are interrogation rooms. Those final two rooms are much larger than the cells, and look as if the might be surgical rooms if one didn't know better. I do know better, however. What will happen in these rooms will in no way be able to be compared to a "standard surgical procedure" .

President Snow watches the room with the girl I know he cares most about, his lips curling up in a smile, and something dangerous flickers in his eyes. I myself smile. I know that so far I have completed everything he has asked of me to complete satisfaction. I take the moment to reveal to him that I have gone even further with the plans. "Mr. President, I'm also happy to inform you that we have located the young district 4 victor, Annie Cresta, and she is en route to he Capitol as we speak." I can't help but sit up a little straighter and grin with pride. We got her right before the rebels did. It was my call to go into district 4 right after we realized Finnick Odair had been extracted from the arena by our enemies, and it paid off in full.

Snow looks at me surprised for a moment, "Perfect." He states, "Odair was supposed to be ended in the arena. He has known and acquainted himself with far too many people in power here, and I will not let him reveal anything without him knowing the damage he will cause to Ms. Cresta. It was a smart move Commander Shade, and I won't forget that you made it." 

"It is my absolute pleasure sir, as I am sickened by these radicals and their message."

"There is no message!" He shouts, "Make no mistake Miss Shade, these are people who will murderr thousands and halt all work for their greedy and selfish grievances! And they will put us all at risk." He sits in his chair and leans back eyeing me sharply. I nod my head at him acknowledging my mistake, and he goes on. "I do like you describing them as radicals. That is what they are, commander. Rebels have something to rebel against, so I will not give credence to that. Radicals though, they are parasites hell bent on destruction. So yes, radicals is what they will be called."

His eyes go back to the monitor, and his smile returns as he sees Katniss put her head in her hands, sitting on the cold floor. 

"You have my orders on how to handle our guests", he says, "make sure you carry them out to the letter." After a small pause in which he takes a deep, settling breath, he goes on, "All 4 of them need to witness the others destruction. The others pain. When we return Miss Everdeen to the radicals I want them to see the broken bird she is. The Mockingjay who can't sing, or fly."

Return her!? Did I hear him right? I clear my throat and shift in my chair ready to ask the question, but before it has a chance to escape my lips, he answers it for me. 

"Oh yes, Miss Shade. She will be returned to them. You needn't worry though," he grins, "she will come back, and we will have the rest of them waiting for her."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Capitol brings down every archaic, sadistic method of torture they could find. Once so determined to survive, Katniss wonders if it's worth it when she discovers truths she wishes she hadnt

The window at the other side of Peeta's cell is revealed to us days later. It's the only change we have noticed. They've given us the bare minimum of food and water, which they slide through a narrow opening on the one door we each have in our rooms. This new window though, piques our interest. Peeta and I stare at it. Peeta looks back at me, but I can't stop looking towards the window. Something is whimpering, crying softly. It's the last sound I wanted to hear. 

Johanna knocks on the glass on the opposite side of my room. I know she hears the cries too, because when I look at her she is straining to see through our cells. She nods at me, silently asking what it is her ears are sensing. I shrug back. We don't speak. Johanna set the tone for us early on, we haven't been communicating with our voices in the days we have been here. After my outburst when I discovered Peeta, she screamed through our windows, "Shut up!" She cried, "just shut up. You should know Mockingjay, your words will always be used against you. Don't let them. Don't speak. Just shut your fucking mouth." 

When she called me Mockingjay, I took her seriously. I don't know why she used it, why she attributed it as my name, but I know that my token from the first arena has become a symbol of unrest. I looked back at Peeta and he nods, letting me know silently that he thinks we should follow Johannas order. He remembers too, then, that on our victory tour we saw the symbol of the Mockingjay everywhere in the poorer districts. People would salute us and whistle Rue's melody, and there was the night, that one night, where I saw a rebellion in district 8 on the monitors in the security car on our train, and the peacekeepers were burning the flags that had my token painted upon them. Since it was all connected to me and my symbol somehow, it scared the piss out of me. I looked back at the girl from district 7 and nodded my acquiescence. I'm not dumb, I know there is a lot going on that i was apparently kept in the dark about, but I won't let Johanna suffer if I let whoever is watching us in on the fact that she knows more than Peeta or I do. 

I'm brought back to the present by the sound of another whimper. It's such a pathetically sad sound, that I'm able to muster some sympathy for it, and I don't even know what it is yet. Johanna motions for Peeta to go look with a flick of her hand, seemingly annoyed that we don't have an answer yet. I sigh deeply and nod, looking deep into his blue eyes. I can tell he doesn't want to see it. He doesn't want to know who, or what, is suffering on the other side of his wall, but he kneels down to the ground on his one leg and starts sliding to the opposing window. He slowly gets to his feet and peers through the other side. I see his face soften, and there is the unmistakeable look of compassion in his eyes. He begins to shush whoever is on the other side, trying to soothe him or her, and I'm instantly annoyed. Goddamn it Peeta!!!! Don't let anyone see you caring about anything while we're in here! Of course I think this silently to myself, but I'd love to cuss at him right about now. We don't have the luxury of showing emotion at this point in time, when we're locked in cells, and we have no idea who is watching or what they're watching for.

I slap my hand against the window and he looks at me. I hope the look on my face is enough to convey to him that I think he is showing too much. He stops the shushing, and points to me and then to Johanna. Apparently that should mean something to me, because he looks exasperated by the confusion that shows on my face. He makes the same motions again towards the two of us, and I look to Johanna hoping she understands. She does, I suppose, because she mouths the word "girl". Peeta grins and then holds up 4 fingers. "I fucking hate charades Peeta!!!"" I can't help but scream. I ignore the look of frustration from Peeta, as I throw up my hands in annoyance, and Johanna has also broken our vow of silence by laughing like a madwoman seemingly doubled over with hysterics. 

"It's that victor from 4." Peeta says sadly.

Johanna stops laughing and straightens up, putting both hands on the glass, while resting her head upon it as well. It's a defeated pose for her, and I can't help but feel taken aback by it. I've never seen Johanna Mason look defeated at anything before. It reads all over her face though; she was not expecting Peeta to say that. "Annie," she starts, "is it Annie Cresta?"

"Yea, yea I think that's who it is." 

Something flashes behind johannas eyes. I know that look, it's the look of absolute fury. She backs up to the corner of her room, and slides down the wall. She balls up her fists, clenching and then unclenching them, and it looks like she is about to lose all composure. "Fuuucckkkk", she moans. "FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU ALL!" She screams at no one, but it's a sure bet at who she means. 

I look to Peeta and I say out loud what I'm feeling. "Finnick. She is Finnicks". He nods knowingly. I have no idea what's going on, but I do know that Annie being here is another piece to the puzzle. Sure, it's a puzzle of which I haven't the faintest idea what the end picture will turn out to be, but some clear shapes are starting to pop up. I remember the jabberjays in the arena. I remember Finnicks desperation when he heard Annie's cries. If Annie is here, I can bet she will be used against Finnick. That's what Snow does after all right? He kills the people we love to keep us in line? 

The images and scenes of the past year and a half start playing in my head. I grasp my neck as I sink to the ground, realization washing over me, suffocating me. It's all running through my mind too fast, I keep jumping from memory to memory, but I finally focus on the one that should come first. Snow- Snow was at my house with his warning. The rebellions in the districts, he wanted me to dampen their resolve to prove to everyone I had no defiance in me, to take away their hope. The victory tour and the symbols everywhere. They were everywhere! My Mockingjay! I keep thinking and moan out loud as more truths begin their assault. Plutarch showing me the Mockingjay on his watch!He was warning me, but why? Why did he need me, of all people, to know the arena was a clock? Haymitch reminding me to remember who the real enemy is, his bracelet on Finnicks wrist, the morphling saving Peeta, Johanna saving Wiress and Beetee for me, Chaff saving me at the end of the games, and Annie being here now which can only mean that Finnick is alive somewhere. Was he rescued? By who? Then I remember Johanna pointing at a specific place on our arms as she ran towards us in the arena. I look down at that exact spot and I see the small mark the needle left behind after our trackers were injected. She wanted us to get rid of our trackers. I start to feel dizzy. Twenty, maybe thirty minutes go by, Peeta keeps knocking on the glass pleading for me to let him know I am okay. But I'm not okay. I know now. I understand. I look up to johannas window and feel sick when I see her eyes shooting daggers into mine. She nods, willing me to believe what I don't want to know. 

"It's me. The Mockingjay," I say. I think back to Gale who was with me in the woods when I let him in on the unpublicized rebellions in the districts, "Its happening."

She nods again, slower this time, with her eyes closed, releasing a breath she had been holding in. She opens her eyes, and as she does, a pipe descends from the ceiling in each of our cells. Pouring water at intense pressures. I look to Peeta and crawl to place my hand upon his through our window, and I hear Johanna behind me...

"Tick Tock...."


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are no words of comfort that could possibly bring any to Katniss Everdeen anymore. She is broken. So utterly broken. 
> 
> PLEASE BE AWARE OF INTENSE CHARACTER DEATHS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! I'm so humbled and happy people seemed to enjoy my other two fics, and I really hope people can get on board with "Caged"! This is my favorite fic, and I hope I can do this particular plot line justice. Bear with me through this chapter, I actually shed tears at writing bits of it. Hope you all are having an amazing start to your new year! 
> 
> End for more notes

The water stops pouring from the ceiling. At this point the water is up just past our ankles. Peeta has run over to his connecting window with Annie, pleading with her to stand up. I think she may have let herself drown in the few inches of water if she had been left to her own devices. 

I don't know what this water is meant for, and I think maybe it's just to make conditions all the more unbearable. To be constantly wet and cold, to never be able to lie down, it sounds so awful. It's then a hear a cackling sound, like you hear through a speaker or something of the like, but no voice comes through. Instead I hear the notes of a song that immediately has my heart pounding in fear. The Capitol anthem. That song is always, always, the precursor to the death announcements you never want hear. "Peeta," I whisper, "Please, no.... Why the anthem?" His eyes can't even look into mine, we both know what's coming.

Then, in a moment, it's there, the Capitol symbol, projected onto the far wall in each of our cells. It starts with a video of a woman I don't know, but she is dressed in Capitol military garb, so I hate her immediately. 

"Hello, tributes. We hope you have found your living situation satisfactory, considering you couldn't possibly feel that you deserve more than what you currently have. Between us, I think you have more than you deserve." My jaw clenches while listening to her, this Capitol mutt, speak of what she thinks is proper torment for us. She continues, "Although I wish I could deliver this happy news to you in person, I'll let this video suffice for now. We will have plenty of time to see each other soon. So, to get to the point, we would like to show you the results of the air raid conducted on District 12, just last week. I do apologize for the delay in delivering the happy news, but we wanted the announcement to have.... The desired effect." She smiles, and it's so evil a grin that I think she can't possibly be real. Then I take in what she said.... An air raid.... On my home.

I collapse immediately to the floor, and the hurt I feel is too great to even notice the freezing temperature of the water I've splashed into. I hear Peeta punching the wall, strangled cries being forced from his body. I am frozen, and no sounds escape my lips. I see Johanna, and the hate on her face for this woman and the news she brings, is so palpable I can almost physically feel it. The woman on screen vanishes, the anthem starts to replay, and there she is. The first picture of a fallen citizen from 12 has flashed on screen. Prim. 

________________________________________

At first I'm surprised by my non reaction, then realize how could someone who is dead form any sort of response? That is what I am; without her, my soul is gone, and I'm dead inside. Did she suffer? Did she hate me for leaving her to die there? Prim, my Prim. I don't have any time to think because the hits keep coming. My mother, her face on the screen after my sister's. Before I can feel anything, the faces start flashing by more quickly. Thom, Sae, The entire Undersee family, all of my neighbors, people I knew from school, and then Peeta's mothers face is on the screen. I look at him, and the face he wears is so heartbreaking, that tears spring to my eyes. His mouth hangs open, and I can't even properly describe the way his eyes have contorted in pure, agonizing, tormented pain. His fathers picture is next, and he lets out a sob that comes from so deep inside him it doesn't sound human. His eldest brother Wheat's picture flashes by, but next is a picture of someone I don't know. A moment of hope passes through me, Rye!!! Peeta's middle brother wasn't shown! He must have made it out, or surely he would have been shown right after the rest of his families pictures to torment Peeta further? I don't dare voice my hope to him, for fear the Capitol will try even harder to take it away.

The projection goes on for what seems like hours, I try, I try so hard to look away but I can't! I clutch my face in my hands as I watch every picture flash by. Men, women, and children. Some I know, most I don't. I can't look away. I caused this. They're all dead because of me. Prim.... Prim is dead because of me. Every few seconds the loss of her hits me again, and the tears are now openly, unabashedly pouring down my wretched face. New images appear, and finally the sobs become screams. Posy Hawthorne, Vick Hawthorne, Hazelle Hawthorne. My other mother and siblings for all intents and purposes. No Gale though? No Rory? Did they survive? I can't even will myself to hope. The still images of faces finally subside, only to be replaced with video of people running, through the square, through the seam, just running anywhere they think the can get away. They can't though, as the bombs drop down, and the fire blowers start incinerating people where they stand. A woman being blown to bits while running with her infant child in her arms. My home in Victors Village burning to the ground. The Hob, smoldering, while fresh corpses catch fire from the uncontrolled flames surrounding them. I start to hyperventilate, I can't breathe! I can't breathe..... No.... No, no, no, please God no.....

 

"I'm sorry!!", I scream. "Aghhh! ugh... Ugh...," I can't stop sobbing. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry.... I .... I'm so sorry." I collapse further down, laying on my side, completely soaked through. My body is shaking and I start to feel dizzy, I throw up into the water, but I don't bother trying to splash it away. My body feels tingly, and I know at once I was right before. Any spirit I had is dead. I am now dead, though still breathing. 

Nothing.... There is nothing left of me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... It's almost to sad. I thought about just making this chapter somewhat "implied" as opposed to fleshing it out, but if there is going to be understanding of future Katniss, I had to do this... But believe me I'm so sorry for it


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In order to keep this story from being more depressing than it has to be, I'm going to switch it over to Finnick

Finnicks POV

Another meeting has been called. I don't really know how many more meetings I can take. It's not that I'm not grateful to be alive, or to help out where I can, it is just that these meetings have become demoralizing. No new gains have really been made, and there always seem to be more questions than answers. I've almost given up hope that I'll ever get Annie back, that this rebellion could win, or that a future for myself is even possible. 

They've started to watch me a lot more. I've moved out of the hospital, but my nightmares don't restrict themselves to only when I'm sleeping, and I find myself paralyzed by images of death and destruction when I'm in training, the mess hall, or these God forsaken meetings we keep having. They treat me like I'm fragile; unstable. It's not that I don't agree with that assessment, but there is a component that they never seem to account for. My fragile is not like theirs would be. My fragile is still ten times stronger than any ten of their best soldiers courage. The fact that I can still function, that I can make these propos that bring the most horrifying memories back from the depths of my mind, is testament to that. So I will keep going- it's the only way I can live- to keep going. 

I enter the cold windowless room that constantly echoes with this buzzing sound that makes me grit my teeth. I sit and I'm surprised to see Haymitch has joined us. Since he was told that Coin wasn't going to try to obtain Peeta unless it directly, positively affected getting Katniss, he has kept to himself. Here he is though, as well as Beetee, Plutarch, Effie, Peeta's brother Rye, Katniss' cousins Gale and Rory, Boggs, and two rebellion commanders who just recently came in from the field Lyme and Paylor. Yup, I think looking at this group before me, I don't feel good about this meeting.

Coin walks in, and everyone stands to greet her. Well, everyone except Haymitch and I. We really have no patience for pleasantries like that. She sits and nods to Beetee who turns on a hologram monitor that displays in the middle of the table in front of us. I'm liking his less and less. Anything that involves images or video typically set me off.

"As always, thank you for your attendance here today." She starts. I think of how she always says this, but honestly never looks grateful. "There has been a development that you all need to be aware of." She looks grim, and I lean forward, concerned about what's coming next. 

"As you know, Beetee is, and will continue to be, a huge asset to us and our cause. He has been able to break into even some of the most heavily protected systems in the Capitol. Recently, he has hacked into video surveillance in the tribute towers." 

Haymitch lifts his head off the table, and stares at her. I know we are both asking ourselves the same things. Why, why do we need that video surveillance. I get an answer that I don't know to rejoice or weep to.

"We have located our targets of Johanna Mason, Annie Cresta, Peeta Mellark, and most importantly, our Mockingjay, Katniss Everdeen." She looks around the room, and the emotion she encounters must be palpable. For the past four days we had no idea what was going on. Peeta and Katniss' trackers went dead. The program used to decipher where they were had scrambled and then went out completely. Johanna cut her tracker out, and the only report of Annie was that there was no report. No one knew anything about her. Now we do, and it's more than I think any of us could have ever hoped for. They're alive! Annie's alive! I squeeze my eyes shut and I take steadying breaths. It can't be true, it can't be true. They only way I've been able to hold some semblance of myself together at night is by thinking Annie was past all pain. Now I know.... She is in the Capitol. I'm thrilled and panicked all at the same time.

I look around to take in my fellow 13 residents reactions. Haymitch is breathing heavily, eyes wide, and nostrils flared. Katniss' family is standing with small smiles on their faces looking at each other and nodding while letting loose a breath I don't know they knew they were holding. Rye, Peeta's brother, is pinching the bridge of his nose, and I see the tears silently sliding down his face. He thought, I know, that he had no family left. The rest of the room is hollering and clapping. These four people are alive and...... And what? Well? I highly doubt it. As if reading my thoughts, Coin nods to Beetee, and he brings up 4 separate video feeds on the monitor. My blood runs cold. Any hope the room felt is instantly replaced with panic and despair. These four people, these four loved people, are being broken. Right before our eyes. Fucking Coin. She didn't warn us one fucking bit that our hope was about to be replaced with more pain.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: implied rape
> 
> This one killed me. I'm sorry for it. Believe that what happens in this chapter will be dealt with in future chapters.

Finnick's POV

 

"Oh my God... What.. What can we do?" Rye is the first to speak after the video feed starts to play. The horrors playing out on the screen leave the question unanswered. 

Im shocked that he has the wherewithal to even form a complete sentence, because of everyone, Peeta is by far getting the worst of it at the moment. Annie and Johanna seem to be in the cells at either end. Both of them are laying in the fetal position, their hands clamped over their ears. Katniss is at the window in her cell that connects to Peeta's, and she looks as though she is trying to break through the glass to get to him. She is making sounds that.... Well they make my skin crawl, they're so terrifyingly desperate. I've never been able to stomach the sounds of people screaming. Too many memories. What she is screaming at though, is something out of a horror film.

Peeta is in the middle of his cell, strapped to a chair along almost every few inches of his body. He can't move, at all. His neck is strapped down, and there is a belt going across his forehead. The worst part, as if the rest wasn't horrifying enough, is that he is also gagged, with a device around his eyes that manually opens and shuts his eyelids. I look at Rye, he is bent over the table, his knuckles white, skin pale, sweating, and silently sobbing. I can't understand how he can even bring himself to watch what's next. A man enters with a metal tray, covered in syringes. 

"NO NO NO NO NO!", cries Katniss. "Peeta! Peeta, no! Oh please please, please stop, not anymore. PEETA!" It's heartbreaking- disturbing. Peeta growls out a response, and I can't believe how he can even try to put Katniss at ease while he is in the position he is in. 

The man holds up a filled syringe and brings it to Peeta's arm. He roughly sticks him and injects the clear substance. Peeta's body immediately starts seizing, and it looks like there is a video being projected in front of his eyes. We can hear his screams while Katniss collapses, hyperventilating, sobbing Peeta's name with each desperate breath. Coin looks to Beetee who then turns off the video.

______________________________________

Rye has to be restrained from tearing Coin's eyes out by Haymitch. "Gale!!!! Get him out of here," he screams, "get him OUT!!!!!!!" Gale grabs the smaller man and has to drag him out of the room. His brother Rory follows, his face ghostly pale. None of this seems to phase Coin in the slightest. She sits calmly, hands folded on the table, with the same serious expression on her face that she wore when we first started this meeting. I can't help the smile that comes to my face, I laugh out loud at the coldness of this woman, and everyone looks at me like I've lost my mind. I mean I did just see Annie, my Annie, in a jail cell of torture, how could I laugh? Well, when you're a victor, and then a mentor for a decade, you find ways of dealing with the absurdly evil that doesn't involve killing anyone and everyone you find responsible. I look at Haymitch, and I know he, at least, understands me. He looks back and meets my eyes, and I'm not surprised to see the tears running down his face. That stops my laughter immediately. I know how much Haymitch loves those two. After decades of trying to not love anything but the bottle, he is reminded all too awfully the cost of letting yourself love anything in this world. An already broken man is now shattered.

"You..... You better have something to say that won't make me want to kill you after you just let the boys brother witness that," Haymitch whispers, not trusting his voice. "What could you have been thinking you cunt." 

I startle at this, and the smile is reluctantly back on my face to everyone's disgust. Cunt. A daring insult at a time like this. Coin just looks amused, like Haymitch's outburst was nothing more than a petulant child's ranting. 

"Mr. Abernathy. While I appreciate the conviction, let's try to keep the perspective here. Beetee has brought us an invaluable weapon in this rebellion. Snow doesn't want anyone to think that Katniss has anything to do with the rebellion. That she is on his side." Coin becomes more animated, "What will the districts do when they see the video of Snow torturing them like this!!! He NEVER wanted us to get a hold of this footage. It had more security than any other system the Capitol was running." 

The implications of what she is saying is too much. She wants to SHOW the districts this? Their torture? What kind of sick fuck is HAPPY about people being tortured so that she can use it in propaganda? Another thought crosses my mind, "You're not gonna get them out, are you?" I know it's true before she even begins to answer. 

"We will plan to free them in no less than two weeks time." The room is silent.

"No," Haymitch starts. "You get them out now. Or, when Katniss does come out, I will personally make sure that she has nothing to do with being your Mockingjay. You. Get. Them. Out. Now."

"Agreed," I start, "I don't shoot one more propo, not one, if they're not out as soon as possible." 

Suddenly everyone voices their dissent. Beetee won't access anymore footage, Boggs won't continue training of future troops, but it's Paylor and Lyme that hit the hardest.

"I will stop moving our troops forward." Lyme says calmly. That has Coin's attention.

"I will also stop all progressive action," adds Paylor, "I will not rebel against one great evil for another one. "

Coin seems genuinely shocked people don't see the advantageous conditions of the predicament we are now in. She looks to Plutarch. He looks equally surprised, clearly having sided with Coin's perspective. "Madam president, we do have the means to get them out within two days, if Beetee can fully scramble the security systems at Tribute Towers," he says resignedly, "If you order it, it can be done, but I strongly advise you continue in your plan to use the video footage in propos." He throws his hands up in the air, as if he thinks no matter what he says he will meet opposition. 

Coin studies the papers in front of her, concentrating intently on the dissension she just witnessed. If she is smart, and I think she is, she will realize the other implications of this mess she created. She narrows her eyes, and I think she understands. Her position as president of 13, future President of Panem, is not assured the way she thought it was. 

" Beetee can you guarantee the hack will be secured for at least two hours?" She asks.

"Absolutely." He responds assuredly.

She takes one final glance at the group of people before her, and, like I knew she would, she takes the opportunity to campaign for herself.

"I will always take into consideration the fears, concerns, and wants of my peers and constituents. I will also make difficult decisions for the good of my country, even if it means facing opposition from my commanders." She pauses, swallowing back the bile she feels at acquiescing to anyone's demands on her. "Please keep in mind for the future I will not accept threats from my military personnel. The victors will be liberated in two days time, however the propos using the footage of their incarceration will go on as planned. When we have them within the confines of 13, Mr. Abernathy you WILL get Katniss Everdeen to support and work for the rebellion. If you should fail at that, you will be held responsible. Paylor, Lyme, you will go back to your units and I expect nothing less than full cooperation with all future military plans and procedures. Boggs, you will lead the team to rescue the victors. Finnick, you will create a propo we can use as a diversion while we attempt to extradite them." She takes a deep breath, but the steely resolve in her eyes leaves me feeling uncomfortable. 

She rises to exit the room. "Beetee please leave the video feed up and running at all times in this room. We should always be aware what is happening to our loved ones." She leaves and I actually shiver at the double meaning of her words.

Beetee resumes the footage, and tears start rolling down my face. Katniss, Johanna, and Annie are naked in their cells, and what I see them doing...... I lost another shred of my soul watching that. I collapse into hysterical sobs, unable to catch my breath and Haymitch is there, holding me, though unable to hold back his own tears as he watches what happens to the girl he has come to love as a daughter. If there is any hope left for this world, well, I can't see it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes while reading through all of this, I feel that maybe I'm missing the mark. Plot holes, wrong characterization, too much going on ect ect. I LOVE the story it's trying to tell, so I'll keep trying. Any reviews or suggestions would be great :) happy reading


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last few chapters were absolutely brutal, I hope I have your forgiveness for them. This chapter is from the POV of Tessa Shade, and yes she was the one in the video the 4 victors saw.

Commander Tessa Shades POV 

My fury will not be matched today. I am the the strongest flame among all loyalists. They tried to put it out, so dangerously close to succeeding. Lock is dead because of it. A fool. That's what he was. He assured us that our systems were the most secure, and the second they were, or ever became compromised, they had a sort of self destruct mode- something to prevent exactly what ended up happening!

They hacked our footage, and used it. They used it in their fucking propos. The entire country, save the airwaves of the Capitol, were inundated with Katniss Everdeen. Their unknowing Mockingjay, in our cells, stripped of her humanity. I, in absolutely no way, feel that there was anything done against Katniss that wasn't warranted, but the people of the Panem were immediately swayed to the radicals side. Snow was beyond deadly. I've never seen him this terrifyingly calm. I luckily was able to direct his anger to the man who really was responsible, Sergeant Lock. Fool, I think to myself again. I feel no need to mourn. His family shouldn't mourn either. He was a disgrace. 

I run into the large room where she is waiting for me. Her eyes, still fiery to my utter amazement, are locked on mine and I sneer at this District 12 trash I see before me. If I had more time, I know I could break her; that her eyes, still so filled with contempt, could be made to be devoid of any emotion ever again. I do not have time however. Snow believes there will be an attempt to liberate them, and soon. We are to have only a few more hours together, this bit of nothingness and me. 

She is in another paper jumpsuit. Perhaps her 10th in these almost 3 weeks. I smile at this, thinking of the cold water, blood and tears that made it necessary to provide more. Maybe we should have just left her naked in her cell all this time, to remind her that she is less than human, she is a mutt. Between her days in the Quell and her time with us here in the Capitol, she has lost quite a bit of weight. Her eyes are swollen, mouth still bloodied. Every time she hears a door open she flinches, and even the steely resolve in her eyes can't hide the fear she feels when anyone makes any movement, large or small, towards her. I've at least managed that. 

This is my last chance, and I intend to make the most of it, because I will not die for Katniss Everdeen. I will not be executed because radicals, for some reason, see this bloodied and damaged girl before me as some sort of rallying point. The Mockingjay song has been their war cry- but if they are coming to retrieve the face of their rebellion, I will make sure they are given a broken and mute songbird. Yes, I think, I am by far the brightest burning torch among the Capitol supporters. President Snow couldn't possibly think to have me gone. 

I sit before her, and smile. Manners were always taught here in the Capitol. "Well Miss Everdeen. It appears our time together may be cut short." She frowns at me and her eyes narrow. She always was so skeptical. "It's true," I continue, "Your time as my guest is coming to an end. Yet, I thought we should have a parting gift between us. After all, we have become so close." My anger starts to build, "How could I not have such strong feelings towards the girl who caused the murder and destruction of thousands?" I glare at her, "24!!! We only had 24 people put in the arena a year. One person always survived, so that means that in 75 years, less than 2000 people were killed in order to keep peace. Here you are though, the leader of a rebellion that has caused the death of THOUSANDS IN DAYS!!!" I scream it at her. Every ounce of control I had when I walked in here minutes ago is now gone. 

"I didn't lead any rebellion." I hear her barely there voice whisper. I shouldn't be surprised that she will be defiant to the end. I laugh at her stupidity.

"Of course Katniss. Anyway would you like your gift?" I ask coldly. "Bring him in please!" 

The door behind me opens, but I don't look to see who or what walks through it. I just focus on the horror that is expressed on her face. I smile again, I know she is shocked at the difference a day has made. 

Peeta is put on the chair next to me and is locked in. He doesn't look at her, he doesn't look at anyone. He sits there still in a daze of trackerjacker venom. His heart stopped last night, and we had to restart it so we wouldn't be robbed of this happy reunion we have before us. His mouth hangs open, and his breaths are so uneven it's almost as if his body is truly forgetting that it needs oxygen to survive. Or maybe it's that he trying to stop breathing on his own, but his body betrays him and extends his life without his permission. Either way, what does it matter?

"Here he is Mockingjay. The little play thing you used over and over again just to suit your needs." I slap my hand down on Peeta's thigh, look into his vacant eyes, and then smile back at Katniss. "Doesn't he look great?" I say animatedly. The next move she makes is so classic Katniss. She lunges towards me, but I have my shock stick out one second faster. I push it into her and she convulses into a puddle down by my feet. I release her from the electroshock, and kick her in the ribs hard. I hear the crack of bones, and am immediately pleased with myself. Peeta was supposed to be turned into a weapon against her, but I think having him a hollow shell might be even better. I turn to leave the room. I'm at the door and I turn to see the girl who was once on fire, crying into the lap of a boy who may never speak again. I'm satisfied. I leave them in this locked room, knowing they will be let out by my team for the radicals to find in a short amount of time. 

_________________________________________________________

I head back to headquarters, and quickly begin to work at the new tasks at hand. President Snow has issued an evacuation of the Capitol citizens from their homes and to come to the large underground bunker that has been worked on for the past 50 years. 13 isn't the only place that can survive against all odds and rebuild from the ashes.

My watch beeps at me to head to a leader meeting. I walk down the corridors and am surprised by the looks I am receiving from my compatriots. I can't out my finger down on the emotion they are portraying, but I smile politely at them until I get to conference room A. I walk in and realize I'm the only one there. I wait a moment, and then try to head back out to see if maybe I had the wrong room. The door is locked, and I start to sweat. 

Suddenly the monitor in the front of the room comes to life and I'm met with a cold look from President Snow. I greet him cautiously, and extend my well wishes and give a report of how well things worked out with the prisoners despite the circumstances. My blood runs cold when he smiles at me the way he does.

"Commander Shade, I confess I didn't think you to be a dumb woman. Yet, here you are trying to convince me that our situation is one to be confident in." He chuckles to himself and shakes his head in disbelief. "In fact, Miss Shade, if the plan had been carried out the way I ordered it to be, we would in fact be on the side of victory instead of near defeat. You. It was you who allowed the rebellion to have their Mockingjay even while she was in our custody. In the form of those propo videos of our footage, YOU gave them a rallying point. You did all the work for them."

I'm panting in terror now, trying to take in my surroundings, trying to find an exit. I feel faint when I realize there is no escape. My fate lies here within this room, and I have no idea what direction the inevitable will come from. 

"Commander Shade, I do regret that you made such an egregious error. You had such promise, such tenacity. I think it's time to call it to an end, however. Good night, Miss Shade."

The screen goes dark, and I feel tears at my eyes. My daughter, what will happen to her? I did everything right! I was loyal, I carried out his every wish! I couldn't stop the hacking! It wasn't me! I stop breathing when I hear it. A buzzing sound. It becomes more and more intense as the seconds fly by. I look up and see a vent open in the ceiling, and through it, a swarm a tracker jackers descend upon me. 

I scream and fall to the ground, wondering if anyone in the building will come to my aid. No one does. And as I feel myself slipping away as the mutts sting me all over, causing immense pain to radiate through my body, I think of the boy. I think of Peeta Mellark. And then, right before it ends I think of something I have never, ever thought of before.

What happens after we die....


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The liberation of our victors is now underway. The question is if the term liberation is actually applicable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost at the end. This fic has been in the works for almost 2 years. While editing and finishing, it got much darker than I originally intended, but I'm at peace with it. It's much more realistic, I think, this way. Torture and War are never, ever, pretty or reserved from the inhuman. I hope that it was something that was engaging to read, if not always enjoyable.

Katniss' POV

 

My body is wracked in spasms from my dry sobs. My body is so devoid of everything it can't even produce actual tears anymore. Somehow, almost unbelievably, I still have enough energy to react to the loss of it all. I don't know how I feel about that. All at once I feel amazed that I am not yet so broken that I can no longer feel things, and horrified that at times I wish they had broken me so I can just retreat into the darkness and stay there until I finally, willingly, take my last breath. I'm not sure what end awaits me. I know an end is near, though. Whether it be life or just my soul, some form of death is close now. 

I had been resting my cheek on Peeta's lap, and when I lift my eyes to look at him I immediately wish I hadn't. His eyes are fluttering between sleep and consciousness, the part of his eyes that should be white are, instead, blood red, there is blood dripping from his nose and ears, and it's as if he has no desire in him to continue his shallow, labored breaths. I twist my body so I'm kneeling in front of him, with my hands on his thighs. "Peeta," I whisper, "Peeta are you there? I'm here..." I start to lose my breath, "I'm he-here Pe-Peeta... Ughhhh Peeta! PEETA!!!!" I'm screaming now, losing all control. My body starts convulsing, and my chest hurts. I'm sure all the electrocution I've endured has damaged my heart badly. I move closer to him and place my head upon his chest, once so strong, but now I feel the fragility of him. I hear his heartbeat, it's irregular, faint, failing. I can't lose him. It will be what finishes me; losing Peeta. "Please, pppllllleeeassee Peeta, stay with me.... Stay with me.... Ughh.... Peeta stay with me." 

I'm not sure how long I stay like that, but it just be a long time because my knees are on fire and my legs are numb. I won't move though. I won't let him go. I do startle when I hear a gunshot go off. I cling to him tighter, terrified that they are coming to take him away. Annie and Johanna's faces come to mind, and it only adds to my terror that I don't know where they are right now. Neither one of them were in their cells when I left to meet with Shade. 

Shade. If I ever had to choose between shooting Snow, or shooting Shade, I'd choose Shade. Every. Fucking. Time. Then I think of Prim and my mother, and the bombing Snow ordered. Alright fuck it. I'd shoot them both. 

Another gunshot rings out, and I scramble away from Peeta and curl into a ball in the corner of the room. More gunshots. I start to shake and suddenly the room transforms. I'm there, in District 12 when all the bombs start to go off, but no one is running. Instead everyone is standing frozen to the ground. They're all staring at me. Their faces, oh my god, their faces are all twisted in agony. Another shot, and one person falls to the ground. I run to help but I can't get to them, there is some sort of barrier between us. Another shot. I run to he direction it came from and I see Hazelle on the ground screaming. "No!! No!" I cry, but I can't get to her either. More shots, more shots, more bodies falling to the ground, more people I can't get to. "AHH! Stop!!! Stop stop stop!!!!" I see Prim and my Mom hand in hand, silent tears streaming down their faces, I run to them, but I can't get there before..... Be-before the gunshots start flying through their bodies, their blood spraying everywhere, and then they fall to the ground. Their lifeless bodies bloodied and broken. The only reason I wanted to live is now dead before me. Please, I think, just shoot me, just shoot me too. Let it end... Please let it all just end.

It becomes quieter, and when I open my eyes I'm not greeted with the bodies of the people in 12, but I'm back in the room with Peeta. I don't remember what all just happened, but I know what the the pounding of my heart, the tears on my face, and the blood under my finger nails from the scratches I made along my neck, are telling me. I should be terrified. Peeta is still in his chair, but he is seizing and I see his fists clench and unclench, and then his scream which cuts through me like a knife. There is something about a mans scream that I have never been able to stomach. Peeta's are even worse than the screams I heard from my father in my nightmares as a child. They're more desperate, more heartbreaking. I start to crawl back towards him, but at my first movement the door slides open and in comes 5 people clad in all black war gear, and I slam myself back into the corner so hard, I knock the wind out of myself. They descend upon Peeta and I, and when I see them grabbing and pulling him from the room I start to panic. "No! No don't take him, leave him alone leave him ALONE!" I try to stand but I collapse back down almost instantly, my legs betraying to these soldiers how weak I actually am. They move closer towards me and I start screaming as loud as I can! They can't take me, I won't go back, I won't go back, I won't, I won't.... Someone says my name, and it sounds soft and familiar, but I start shaking as they reach a hand towards me and before I know it everything goes dark...

____________________________________

I don't know how much time has passed when I open my eyes again, but when I do I can hear the steady rhythm of a clock, a repetitive beeping noise from some machine next to me, and I can see a dim light casting shadows all over the room. I try keep calm and keep my breaths even. I push myself up onto my elbows and When I take in the rest of the room around me I think I am in a hospital. I see a window on the far side of the room and I think back in the windows in my cell. I can't watch anymore. I can't watch people be tortured anymore. A woman slowly walks in front on the window, and she looks very familiar. Someone from 12 I think. She waves at me, and motions to ask me if its okay if she enters. I look around me to see what I can use as a weapon if she so much as tries to touch me, and I see a phone on the table next to me. Okay, I nod at her, she can come in. 

She is small, blonde haired, and blue eyed. She has a nervous smile on her face as she walks towards me, and points to the chair next to my bed, quietly asking if she can sit. I nod at her again. She slowly backs herself into the chair, looks at my face, and takes a deep breath. The look on her face unnerves me. It's pity. I hate pity. I want to ask her so many things, but I think back in Johanna and her order for me to be silent, and even now I think that's probably still a good idea.

The girl finally speaks after a few minutes. 

"Hi Katniss... I'm not sure if you remember me, but my name is Delly Cartwright. We went to school together?" Her voice is barely above a whisper, and I have to really push myself to hear her. Delly? Oh my gosh... I know her! Delly, Delly Cartwright, she was a merchant girl, friends with Peeta. Always disgustingly cheerful. I don't acknowledge that I remember her though.

She slowly nods and see her trying to decide what to say next. "Well, um, I just want to tell you that you're completely safe here." I narrow my eyes at her. Is she fucking insane? I can't help but snort at the ridiculousness of her statement. Safe. Ha! No such thing. She isn't deterred by my reaction and keeps going, "Really Katniss, you're the most safe right now then you probably have ever been before. You're in District 13." My eyes shoot back to hers. What? 13?

"Yes, 13." She says, apparently reading my thoughts. "I know it's hard to believe, but 13 never really disappeared. The Capitol just wanted us to think that. They lived, they survived. And the thrived. For years, they've been getting ready for this; to rebel against Snow. It's happening, the rebellion, it's happening right now." She sees the anger in my face and I can tell she immediately regrets saying what she just said. Of course I know the fucking rebellion is happening! I fucking know! I was beaten, electrocuted, ra... Ugh I can't even say the word in my head; the memory of what those sick mutts did. I pour my concentration into Delly's face. I can't... I take a deep breath, desperately trying to keep my composure.... I can't live with the images of the past month constantly playing over and over again. They will never, ever, go away. I'll always see Peeta shake, I will always hear Johanna's cries, I will always hear Peeta's screams.... 

"Where is Peeta?" I ask with a violent edge to my voice. "Where is he? Where is Johanna and Annie?" 

Surprisingly, she looks as if her confidence is bolstered by the question. She smiles at me and excitedly moves to the edge of her seat, and I quickly move my hand closer to the phone I'm more than willing to knock her out with. "They're here, Katniss", she starts, "You're all here- you all survived." Tears start to trickle down her cheeks, and she makes this sound in the back of her throat that sounds like laughter, but it doesn't insinuate something was funny, it sounds like she thought the words she just uttered were unbelievable, even to her. She wipes the tears away with the back of her hand, and intensifies her smile towards me. Apparently this girl hasn't seen Peeta. She would not be smiling. The boy I saw last was a dead man. A hollow man. Yet here Delly fucking Cartwright is to tell me how amazing things are, how safe we are. Bullshit. 

"Why are you here Delly? Why in fucks name would you be here over anyone else?" I ask bitterly, and i can see her cringe at my words. I don't care though. Im fairly certain I won't ever care about people's feelings again. It's not that I really ever cared all that much to begin with, but I remember I at least had the decency to talk to as few people as possible, so as not to offend them. Now? Well now I'm pretty sure I could tell the town 'spiritualist' that his 'God' would spit on his bleeding body lying in the street dying, and I wouldn't so much as bat an eye at His reaction. 

Delly sinks back into her chair a bit, and the giddiness that was on her face a moment ago is wiped away. She starts picking at her fingers, and I hear her mumble something. "Delly! I really don't want to try to translate the ramblings you just spewed out, speak up!" She nods, and I'm annoyed that she so willingly accepted my berating tone. I want her to stop being nice- spit the shit you need to say out! 

When she does speak up, I immediately regret my request for her to do so. "Katniss, of the four of you, you had the least amount of chemical damage to your system. The others... Well.. Umm. They're not doing as well as you are. Right now neither Peeta, Annie, or Johanna can handle seeing someone that they even remotely knew from their lives in their districts. With you... Well they thought you could handle it, and that it might even be easier for you to talk with someone you recognize. I'm so sorry, Katniss. Im so sorry, I know it's probably not me you want to see, but we didn't want to push you too much too soon. The doctors, President Coin, Haymitch, and the Hawthorne boys will be coming in before long. They will let you know everything you could want to know."

Hawthorne boys. Gale.... Rory. They weren't in that video. It's true then... They survived. Which means there is another truth I must now accept. My mother, my Prim.. They really are gone. They're dead, because of me. My breathing picks up, and the tears start rolling down my face. I try to say something to Delly, but I can't make the right sounds to form the words. She looks at me, scared, unsure of what to do. She does something then, that I'll always be indebted to her for. She takes my hand. I try to jerk away, but she won't let me. She hold on tightly with both of her hands, and she won't look away from my eyes. She smiles so gently, and nods at me, almost willing me through the shock of everything I've just heard since she came to me. She shushes me, and takes one of her hands and brushes my hair out of my face. My dad used to do that, Peeta used to do that. I shudder at the touch, not convinced that pain won't come from it. She whispers to me, "It will never, ever, be completely okay Katniss." I stare at her, and though I wish I didn't, I want her to tell me what she so desperately wants me to hear. "It will never be everything that you deserve, and the pain may always run too deep. There are people here who survived, people who love you. We will be here always. If you can, and only when you're ready, let us help you. We can try to help you heal."


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: I just changed the ending. Needed to be done, and I like it so much more....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything crashed and I lost the chapter! Grr... It was all hand written so I had to type it all over again. If anyone needs me I'll be at my own pity party at the corner of 'technology sucks' and 'handwriting fool'

Katniss POV 

I've been in 13 for about 2 weeks now. Two weeks that have all at once felt like a year and a nanosecond. I'm not sure what to think of everything here. Just yesterday they brought me to see Beetee, and I passed a military hangar filled with hovercrafts, jets, and explosives. I also saw rooms the size of the entire Victors Village full of medical supplies, preserved food and water, and clothing. How can I be okay with that? How can they justify that? Did they really need all 75 years to plan their attack? They just let the people of Panem starve. They let them sell their souls out of desperation. They watched them die. I basically accused Coin of being inhuman, but it didn't affect her at all- she seems cold, even to my less than warm standards. 

I look down at my shaking hands, and try to hold them still. 'Shhhhhhhh', I say to myself. "My name is Katniss Everdeen, I'm 17 years old. Annie, Peeta, Johanna, and I were rescued from the Capitol. Prim is de... Prim is dead. The revolution is happening, they want me to be the Mockingjay. I can't be the  
Mockingjay."

I close my eyes and breathe as deeply as I can, willing my body to stop shaking. When I open my eyes again, I try to concentrate on the pipes that are in front of me, because if I focus on my own thoughts, I'll descend into a pit of depression that will take hold of me like quicksand. I stare at those pipes like they're a fucking work of art. i can't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. Here I am; Katniss Everdeen, the girl on fire, hiding in a closet. That's where unknowing leaders of massive rebellions should hide after nightmares right? Sounds totally sane to me! I resume my deep breathing because I can sense that panic is about to take over. Doctors keep telling me to stay calm, that my heart was under so much strain and it needs to rest. They give me this medicine that's supposed to ease the anxiety and fear I feel every day, but I don't see any difference. I keep hearing that it takes time. I don't have time though. I've never liked my chances at having a long and healthy life, so can't we just skip the bullshit, give me the good drugs? Let me finish out my time in a magnificently drugged up stupor? After everything, is that really too much to ask of these people? At least give me something to stop the nightmares. Why haven't they made that drug yet?! I'd probably be less fucked up all the time if I could actually sleep! I never sleep... 

That's why I'm here now. In a closet. With the pipes. SUPER cozy. This nightmare was one for the books, and I know it will be emblazoned in my mind for a long, long while. I was back in the Capitol. Peeta was being electrocuted, and I was crashing my body over, and over again into the glass that separates us. I couldn't watch anymore, I had to try and get to him no matter how futile. Just when I heard the glass shatter, the door to my cell opened. I turn and see them, the dead from district 12. I don't know how they did it, but all of the corpses that littered the ground of my home are now here, coming for me, to hold me accountable for their demise. I freeze, unable to comprehend the horrors in front of me. My neighbors, friends, and family. Their dirty, discolored, decomposing bodies walking towards me. Dead flesh and vacant eyes tormenting me, reminding me of my culpability. Then I see her. Prim... Prims corpse walking towards me. Her once beautiful blond hair matted to her bloody head, her clear blue eyes fogged over and distant. There is no trace of the smile that was always showing on her lips. She is soulless. . She stumbles with each step, and she hisses something at me over and over again. I fall backwards against the wall, I don't want to hear her voice, once so sweet, and now snakelike. There is no mistaking what she said- 'Murderer! Katnisssss.... Murderer!" I cry out for her to stop, that I'm sorry, but nothing stops them, and as the dead bodies overtake me all I can hear is Prims accusations and Peeta's cries in my ears.

Tears start rolling down my face. I woke up twenty minutes ago, and it's still too fresh on my mind. All of my nightmares involve Prim. How she must have hated me in the end. I put my head in my hands and resign myself to the probability that I may never really sleep again. I hear a knock on the door, but I don't move or say anything. My no nonsense nurse, Averil, knows this is where I go when I run away. They never really leave me alone, but sometimes even having someone just outside my hospital room is too close for me. When their backs are turned or they're distracted for a moment, I take my chance and sneak out to the closet. I just need 5 minutes; 5 minutes of being alone. The door opens and when I look up my eyes widen in surprise. Gale stands where I thought Averil would be. I turn my head away from him, and I hear him sigh deeply as he slides down the wall next to me, and closes the door behind him.

We sit in silence, and for the briefest of moments, it feels as it did before. Gale and I, sitting in silence out in the woods. I turn to look at him, and the feeling of normalcy is gone. My Gale never looked at me the way he is now. Again, the emotion he is wearing all over his face is the one I hate more than anything. Pity. It's hard enough seeing the pain he feels for the loss of his family and friends, but seeing that AND his pity for me makes me beyond uncomfortable. 

"Well Katnip, it's a nice closet anyway. At least it's not the dump closet." He smiles at me, and even though my eyes still won't meet his, I smile back. He sits up straighter, emboldened by my positive reaction. He scoots slightly closer to me, but he knows not to touch me. Human touch ha never had a soothing or calming effect on me. Especially now. The only times it has, has been when my dad used to hold me. And Peeta. The smile leaves my face as I think of all the times Peeta's arms held me and kept me safe. Even when Delly took my hand, the only reason I let her keep it was because it reminded me of those two men. Gale takes a firm and steadying breath, and I can almost feel the trepidation radiate off of him while he tries to muster the courage to say whatever it is he wants to say to me. People really need to stop this. The longer they take to say things, the angrier I become. 

"Katniss, I... I don't know what more can be said about this. I understand fully why you're reluctant to take part in any of this, but please, Katnip we really need you. " I roll my eyes and hug my knees tightly to my chest. I've heard all of this before. I've been drowning in the sheer amount of requests from he higher ups here in 13 for me to take my place as their Mockingjay. Gale continues, "I don't think any of this can be easy, you know I don't. I don't want to cause you any more pain. I HATE them Katniss! I hate them for what they did to you!! I would have taken your place a thousand times over again if it would would have protected you." He punches the door next to him, and I hate that I feel afraid. "They.... They're... Animals, Katniss. I'd kill them all right now if I could... For what.... For what they did." 

Tears spring to my eyes. I know he is talking about what happened in my cell in the Capitol. The first few days I was here, I didn't know their so-called president used video of the torment myself and the other victors received, as her own form of propaganda. When I heard that all of fucking Panem had seen what the four of us went through, the hatred and vitriol I had in me was at a dangerous level. I couldn't believe that people were expecting her government to be any better than Snow's. Snow used the hunger games to keep control over the masses with fear, and Coin exploits the suffering and torture of innocent individuals to manipulate the whole country to put their trust in her. I'm convinced that Snow and Coin are two peas in a pod. 

Gale knows how I feel about all of this, but he is still here trying to sway me. "Katniss, things aren't going well. Snow has all of a sudden flipped the script and is acting compassionately to he people in areas severely damaged by war. The people are confused. All of the momentum we had is fading, and to finish this, once and for all, we need you to remind the country who the real enemy is. We need to kill Snow. Otherwise.... Otherwise we will all die Katniss." 

I glare at him. I'm ready to spit venom at him, but I look back at my pipes and try to keep my breathing measured. No one can put any more death on my shoulders. I already hate myself, I already think I'm the worst person in this entire wretched world. My jaw clenched and my hands ball into fists and I hug my legs even tighter, if Gale knew what was good for him, he would leave. Right now. 

Gale has always been good at knowing my emotions better than I know them myself, and he can sense that he is not in a favorable position. He raises both of hands at me in resignation. "I know, I know," he starts, "this isn't fair. It won't ever be. There is nothing to feel good about. But Katniss imagine what would happen if Snow won. Aside from the fact the games will still be around, the starvation, poverty, death, and destruction- he will now want retribution for the rebellion as well. Imagine what that would be." I shudder and turn and look him dead in the eyes. I catch my breath as I really look at him for the first time. He seems smaller somehow. Defeated. Yet, there is a defiance in his tired eyes that tells me he hasn't given up all hope, and that his hope lies with me. My heart softens to him. I know I'm not the only one who has suffered at the hands of Snow. Gale smiles sadly at me, "I need you to survive, to have a chance at peace, if not happiness. I need you to be able to have that. You won't ever get it if we don't win. We need you Katniss, now, before it's too late" 

That's what really gets me. Not for myself of course, but for Peeta. I promised.... I promised this time it would be him that would be safe. Safe to lead a life of his own, to love, to be happy, to live into his old age. If anyone deserves that, it's Peeta, and if I can bring that to him, how could I say no. I turn myself completely towards Gale, and take a deep breath. 

"Okay." I meant to say it with the strength my position would require, but it comes out as a ragged whisper, and I think this will be so much harder than I could ever imagine. 

________________________________ 

I do not like this meeting room. It's freezing, for one, it has no windows, and there is this buzzing noise that doesn't stop. I'm super annoyed by the flickering lights, and I can feel the scowl settling in on my face. I turn and look at Finnick and I see him giggling at me as he watches my reactions. "The buzzing makes me want to lose what's left of my mind!" He says, and resumes the quiet laughter while looking at the ground. I guess his attitude and behavior should worry me or make me uncomfortable, but instead I laugh with him, and everyone else in the room glares at us silently, like we may actually go insane at any moment. I look back at Finnick and even though the laughter has died down, I smile at him. It may be the first real smile I've worn on my face in months. 

Coin walks in and sits down. The smile is gone instantaneously. I just can't trust this woman. She greets everyone in the room, and I notice that Haymitch isn't here. When he came to visit me in the hospital he had a lot of explaining to do. How could he let us go in there blind!! Why wouldn't he have told us something! If he did tell us, maybe the Capitol wouldn't have gotten us! I screamed all of this at him, and he just stood there and took it. I haven't seen him since, and I hate to admit it, but I regret talking to him that way. I know he tried as hard as he could to keep us safe. Knowing he is not here worries me. Where is he? Is he alright? I don't have anymore time to dwell, Coin has started the meeting. 

"We are almost there everyone. District 1 has been taken, and we have a clear plan of how to take over 2. Moving forward on all fronts, and now Katniss Everdeen has consented to being the Mockingjay. It's time to ride this wave. The people of Panem are suffering and they're losing their resolve. Katniss will make propos starting today, and we are sending her, Finnick, and a special team, to district 2 to help distribute aid to the residents most decidedly against the rebellion. We need to show them that we are the right choice. Snow can feign empathy, and dole out gifts when he needs to, but only we can bring the sustenance and peace Panem is looking for. Boggs, get together your team, Finnick and Katniss will be under your care, use them well and keep them safe. Plutarch, I need you to talk to your camera crew about going on this mission as well, so they can film anything and everything. Beetee work on getting us into the Capitol airwaves, and keep our previous propos running in all other districts." She takes a deep breath before continuing. "This is it. In the next several weeks we will know how this is going to end. Good luck, to all of you." She gets up and exits the room. 

I walk out and bump into my mentor, who apparently was sitting just outside the room. I surprise myself as after i stare at him with my eyes narrowed for a minute or two, I let out a sob and crash my body into his as he wraps his arms around me. "Haymitch, I'm sorry, I..... I didn't mean..." I cry. He holds me even tighter and shushes me before he says "I'm the one who needs to apologize. But there will be time for that later. Right now, before you go, you need to come with me." I pull my head back and look at him questioningly. He continues, "Peeta is awake... And he is talking." 

I immediately take off running. I have to get there, I have to see him. I've been there with him multiple times every single day, but he was never awake. Now he is! I need to see him, I need to hear him. Haymitch is running behind me, begging me to slow down and wait for him. I can't. I need to keep running until I get there. 

I throw open his door and barrel in like some crazed animal. I try to catch my breath and stand, but I'm still pretty weak so that mad dash really took it out of me. I collapse to my knees, and when I raise me head I see him. He is there sitting up in his bed, a nurse next to him just staring at me. He looks, he looks good! His eyes are clear and that beautiful blue hue brings a smile to my lips and tears to my eyes. He has put on a little weight, and what I love the most is that there is no blood on him. No blood anywhere. I let my head fall back and my eyes close in relief, they had such a hard time getting him to stop bleeding. He had so many transfusions, and I was so scared. When I open my eyes again, I see him leaning forward, studying me. I feel a little self conscious, I know I'm not really taking care of myself so I must not be that pleasant of a sight. Bye doesn't take his eyes from me and I don't take my eyes from him. We stare at each other for minute upon minute, and I can sense the nurse is so uncomfortable and unsure of what to do next. 

"Katniss..." I hear him whisper, and I start to sob. I never thought I'd hear him say my name again. "Katniss what's wrong, why are you here?"

I try to control my emotions a bit, and while wiping my eyes. I smile at him, "I'm here Peeta. I'm so glad your awake, ugh, I'm so glad you're okay." I stand and walk toward him and throw my arms around him. I can feel his chest rising and falling and I can feel a steady heartbeat under there too. I'm ecstatic. He's going to be okay! It's more than I ever dreamed could happen. His arms are around me, but they feel unsure. I pull away, and though I see a small smile on his face, it doesn't reach his eyes. I sit next to him and take my hand to gently stroke his face, "Peeta? What's wrong?" He looks from me back to his nurse, "I'm not sure." He says. 

Haymitch walks in barely able to breathe."Get over here sweetheart!!!" I follow him into the hall, something doesn't feel right. I look up and shrug to Haymitch as if to tell him to get on with it. "He has amnesia Katniss," he huffs, "he doesn't remember anything after the day before you were reaped...except for a few... Altered memories from the Capitol." 

My head drops, and the happiness I just felt vanishes. Before we were reaped!!!! Thats what Haymitch said! No.... No no no no. So that means, Peeta's last memories of me were when we were in school. He knows nothing of our relationship now. Nothing. That's why he was so confused when I hugged him, he doesn't remember what we've been through together. The one person I thought I could heal with, doesn't even know what we need healing from. I look back at him and he looks concerned for me, and I feel the pit in my stomach and the hurt in my heart. 

Haymitch has more to say, "There is a way to reverse the amnesia. We can give him medicines over a few weeks that will reverse the effects of the tracker jacker venom he was injected with." He looks at me and I see the pain in his eyes as he asks me the question he already knows the answer to. 

"Should we reverse it? Can we really subject him to the memories of what happened? Or do we give him a chance at a life without nightmares?"

"No.... Of... Of course not... We.. We c-can't reverse it," I start to cry silently. Peeta looks so lost, he has no clue what we are talking about. "He doesn't need to have the memories of that." It hurts so badly. To think that I'll have to go through this alone. To not have Peeta's arms around me, to not be with him for always. But I promised to protect Peeta- so I will. He won't remember our relationship for what it actually was, he won't remember the beach, he won't remember how we both tried to save each other time and time again in the Capitol. He won't know me.

i push through the door, back into his room. I look at him, "I have to go away for a while. But I... I want you to know how glad I am that you're okay, and I'll come to visit you the moment I get back. Just.... Just focus on being healthy."

He looks so confused and his brows wrinkle and he breathes unevenly. "Oh, okay. Th-thanks Katniss! It's really nice of you to visit. So you actually remembered me huh? " He laughs and my heart shatters.

"Always," I whisper. "I'll always remember you." 

The tears keep falling and he starts to look concerned again. I try to smile as I say goodbye, but I'm sure I look like a mutant. I run out and Haymitch follows. It's a good thing he does, because I only make it about 100 feet before I collapse to the ground, sobbing because the boy I could never survive without, doesn't know who I am.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end for now. The second part of the series is well on its way. Please read and review for me, the more feedback I get the better I can make it. I know you all can see some direct pulls from the books, but I hope this has been a good read for all of you!!! Thanks so much


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